JALAN CROSSLAND NOOSELETTER and 2010 PREDICTIONS
 
My best wishes to you all for the new year; 2010, The Year We Make Contact.
 
As I write, this morning, it is 28 below 0 in Ten Sleep, Wyoming. The windows are frosted like PopTarts (TM). I'm throwin logs on the fire like copies of The Color Purple. Frozen water lines. Do you know how many buckets of snow it takes to flush a toilet?!

 
Traditionally, I try to be SOUTH in January. You know, Disneyland, or Alice Springs, or this wonderful little 'From Dusk Till Dawn' whorehouse in the desert outside Ciudad Acuna. But not this year. This year, I must sacrifice for my art. There is just too much work left to do to in getting the new rekkerd finished by February to go gladdly tramping on quixotic misadventures.


All of the pundits and online bloggers are offering their 2010 predictions for the economy, geopolitics, energy and climate, etc. Well, I got to thinkin, I'm an online blogger too. I want to do predictions!


JALAN CROSSLAND 2010 PREDICTIONS

1. The government is going to simplify our income taxes by allowing us to instant-deposit our tax liabilities into the Citigroup, Goldman-Sachs, and AIG CEOs bank accounts, saving red tape.

2. Utilizing electronic vocal pitch correction, another talentless fuckhead is going to sweep the Country Music Awards.

3. The value of the U.S. dollar will continue to decline against the value of scotch, nonperishable food, and ammo.

4. To compete with the Euro, the North American Union, consisting of Canada, America, and Mexico, will introduce it's new currency, the Camaro.

5. The Eagles will do another Farewell Tour, followed by another Reunion Tour.

6. Politicians will be required to wear the patches of their corporate sponsors sewn onto the front of their jackets, like NASCAR drivers.

7. Scientists will figure out how to harness the hot air in Washington DC and we'll replace fossil fuels with wind energy.

8. The Isrealis and Palestinians will unite against their common enemy, organized religion.

9. A Coalition of the Willing, consisting of multiple sovereign states, will preemptively invade Washington to impose a Democratic Government.

10. And despite Arthur C. Clark's hopeful prediction, in 2010 the only contact we'll make with aliens will be at the drive-thru window.

Happy New Year Everybody,

Jalan